Back To December
by ridiculouslyoptimistic
Summary: What Ross and Laura had was perfect until she let her fears get in the way. Nearly a year later, she begs him for a second chance. Can he forgive her? Raura.


Back to December

The sound of the passing cars and horns and people chatting quickly on their cell phones rattles her nerves. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she stares at the front of the fancy apartment building. The doorman shot her a wary look, silently asking whether or not she was going to enter, not realizing she was asking herself the same question.

She couldn't believe she was here. The old Laura never would have had the courage to do something so bold. And that's why she knew she had to do it; because she needed to prove to him that things were different, that she was different.

Plucking up her courage, she nodded to give herself silent affirmation before stepping forward and shooting the doorman a smile of gratitude as she stepped into the lobby. It still surprised her that he lived in a place like this. To be honest, she never thought he would want to live so far away from California.

And she knew he probably hated it. More than anything, he hated being away from his parents, his brothers, and his sister. But it made sense logistically now that he'd landed the lead role in a new drama show set in New York. Of course, he was still touring with the band when he wasn't filming, but she knew the months when he had to live in the city had to be tough.

As she walked towards the elevator and pushed the call button, it occurred to her that she didn't have an explanation as to why she was here. Of course, she didn't need an explanation as to why she was in the city; she did live here after all. The record label to which she was signed was based in New York and was currently recording her album.

No, what she needed an explanation for was why she was at his apartment. But even the answer to that was easy. It was speaking it out loud that was the problem.

She sighs as she steps into the elevator and pushes the button for his floor, silently thanking Calum for providing her with this information. And as the metal doors slide shut, the memories come flooding back.

…

_It was a bittersweet moment. She smiled fondly at the pictures taped to her wall, brushing the pads of her fingers lightly over them before carefully pulling them off. She always assumed this day would come eventually, she just didn't know it would be so soon. _

_Although the show was doing extremely well and could have been picked up for another season, the cast had outgrown the theme and decided to pursue other career opportunities. Raini had landed a spot in an up and coming comedy show and Calum wanted to extend his experience in the movie circuit. As for her and Ross, well, they had both decided to pursue their music careers. R5 had just cracked the international market and Laura was currently working on her first independent album. _

_Although they would all miss the show and each other dearly, they had bright futures ahead. _

_A soft knock at the door caused her to turn and she smiled instantly at the tall, blonde boy leaning against the door frame. _

"_Hey," she smiled softly, gesturing towards her now, half empty wall, "I'm just cleaning up."_

_He nodded and pursed his lips, shoving his hands into his pockets. "It's sad, isn't it?"_

"_Sure," she shrugged, "But one ending is just a new beginning, right? Besides, this is what we all wanted."_

_He stared at her for a moment before pushing himself off the wall and coming to stand before her. "Speaking of new beginnings, I think we need one as well."_

"_What do you mean?" she asked, although she already knew the answer. _

_She wasn't blind or oblivious. For the past five years, they had been dancing around the possibility of being something more than friends. She'd felt it from the very beginning; since the day they did their first read together and she'd developed that little inkling of a crush. _

_She'd brushed it off and buried it deep inside, because why would someone as cool and talented and gorgeous as Ross ever feel that way about her, dorky, awkward Laura? But the more time they spent together, the more she realized that her feelings may not be one sided. As much as she pretended she didn't notice, she couldn't help but feel happy when he put his arm around her or hugged her or grabbed her hand when it was completely unnecessary. _

_That sizzle of attraction, that tension was always lingering, but she ignored it because it was necessary to do so. Over the past five years, he had become one of her best friends, and she didn't want to jeopardize that by getting romantically involved. _

_He gave her a knowing look. "Look, you can deny it all you want, but there is something between us Laura, something more than just friendship, and we owe it to ourselves to find out what it is."_

_She parted her lips as she racked her brain for an appropriate excuse, but before she could respond, he was kissing her. Of course, they had kissed before for the show, but that was as Austin and Ally. But now they were Ross and Laura and he was caressing her cheeks with his thumbs and making her see fireworks as he kissed her deeply, looking straight into her eyes when he pulled away. _

"_Come on," he whispered, willing her to reply, "I know you feel it too."_

_As she gazed into his dazzling eyes, she wondered why she had denied it for so long. She'd told herself they couldn't complicate their work relationship by becoming romantically involved; it would just make things messy. But with the series wrapped, there seemed to be no reason to say no. _

_So she lifted her lips into a small smile and nodded slowly. "I do. I feel it too."_

_His face lit beautifully and he smiled, pressing his lips to hers once more before pulling her into a hug which caused her to forget the meaning of the word empty. She sighed contently as she melted into his embrace, thinking to herself, there's no place like home. _

…

"_Where are we, Ross?"_

_She turned in her car seat to aim the small video camera at her boyfriend, whose brow was furrowed in frustration as he tried to figure out where they were. _

"_I'm not really sure," he confessed, squinting his eyes as they passed a street sign, "But I'll get us there eventually, I promise. I'm sorry we're lost."_

"_You know I don't care," she laughed, pointing the camera at his face, "The fact that you lack a sense of direction just makes you all the more adorable."_

_His face lit up and his cheeks turned pink and his eyes crinkled as he chuckled. She held back a sigh, happy that she caught this moment on tape. She swore watching him laugh was the most beautiful sight she could ever witness. _

_Closing the camera, she placed it in her lap and gazed at the passing scenery. After successfully finishing her first solo album, she'd come to surprise him in LA for the first leg of R5's west coast tour. In honor of the occasion, he'd promised to take her to the beach because he'd sworn years ago that he would teach her to surf one day. Unfortunately, he was currently having trouble finding the beach. _

_Not that she minded. The California landscapes were beautiful, no matter where they were. Besides, all that mattered was that she was spending time with her amazing boyfriend. She smiled to herself as she realized the truth of that thought: anywhere felt like home, as long as she was with him. _

_Long fingers laced with hers in her lap and she turned her head and grinned softly at the look of pure joy on his face, etching the memory into her brain, determined to keep the dazzling image engrained in her mind. _

_After multiple winding roads and a few misleading road signs, they parked on the beach an hour later. The sun was beginning to set, casting a pink glow over the ocean and causing it to sparkle fantastically. _

_Ross scrunched his nose in annoyance and sighed. "If it's getting dark, I don't want to teach you to surf. It'll be too dangerous."_

"_It's alright," she smiled, reassuring him with a squeeze to the hand, "You can teach me some other time."_

_With a close lipped smile, he leaned over and kissed her softly, resting his head against hers when he pulled away. "You're the best."_

"_I know," she grinned. "While we're here, do you want to watch the sun set?"_

_He winked at her briefly before nodding and jumping out of the SUV. They sat in the sand, her back pressed to his chest as she sat between his legs, his arms wrapped around her middle to hold her close. As she watched the sky shift, she sank back into his embrace and thought; it's good to be home. _

…

_The pouring rain perfectly personified her mood as she lay curled up in her bed in an oversized sweatshirt and shorts, and sobbed into her pillow. Normally, she would talk to her mother about something like this, but she felt rather stupid. _

_Perhaps she was overreacting, she thought as she used the heel of her palm to wipe away a stray tear when she felt calmer a few minutes later. She wasn't sure why she was so upset. Under general circumstances, she considered herself a fairly confident person. _

_But apparently today was the perfect storm. After doing not so well on a test she had studied like a crazy person for, she had come home to find her Twitter mentions full of hate messages. _

_Although they tried not to talk about their personal lives, the fans had found out that she and Ross were dating after a sneaky paparazzi snapped pictures of them holding hands when leaving the movies on their last date. Ever since then, it seemed like the nasty messages had been constant. _

_She hadn't told Ross because she didn't want him to worry. After all, there wasn't anything he could do anyway. Besides, she understood their frustration. It was natural for his fans to feel jealous that he had a girlfriend. What she didn't expect was their rage. _

_Most of the time, she just ignored the messages, telling herself that they didn't know her and they were irrationally angry. But after a day where it seemed like nothing else could go wrong, she came home to find hundreds of messages telling her that she wasn't good enough for Ross and that he could do better. _

_The worst part was; she was starting to believe them. _

_She sighed as her sobbing finally ceased and she tried to stop the flow of tears. Her bedroom door opened and she turned over, immediately sitting up straight, her eyes wide with horror when she found Ross standing in the doorway. _

"_Your mom let me in," he explained, his initial warm smile fading at the sight of her tear stained cheeks. Furrowing his brow in confusion, he took a step towards her. "Laura, why are you crying?"_

"_I'm not," she insisted, doing her best to smile in hopes he would change the subject, "So how are you today?"_

_She should have known it wouldn't work. Of all the things she had learned about Ross since they'd been dating, the most important was that he could read her like a book. He could tell when she was lying, when she was upset, when she was happy. And although sometimes it was irritating to not be able to hide anything from him, she appreciated the fact that he was so sensitive to her emotions. _

_He shook his head, kneeling on the floor by her bed and cupping her cheeks in his palms. "What's wrong?"_

_Sniffling, she blinked back tears as she wondered, not for the first time, how she'd gotten so lucky. _

"_They don't think I deserve you," she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. _

"_Who?" he asked, his voice croaking in concern. _

"_The fans," she breathed, "Your fans."_

"_To hell with them," he declared and she turned her lips upwards in a tired smile because she knew he didn't mean it. He appreciated the fans more than anything. He understood how much he owed those who supported his music and he would never take that for granted. _

"_You don't mean that," she laughed, resting her forehead against his. _

"_I do if it means they make you cry," he confessed, lifting his lips to kiss her forehead. _

"_I appreciate the thought, but you don't have to say that," she shook her head, letting out a watery laugh. _

_Using his thumbs to lift her chin, he tilted her head upwards until their gazes met and she was shocked by the sheer range of emotion flooding his eyes. _

"_Don't listen to them," he spoke, his tone laced with determination, "You're right, I do love my fans. But I also love you, and that's not going to change."_

_She was so stunned by the spectacular hue of his eyes that it took her a moment to process his words and when she finally did, she found herself even more paralyzed than before. Her mind was flooded with about seven different emotions until she reacted the only way she knew how: she smiled. _

_His smile mimicked hers as she leaned forward and kissed him soundly, her fingers playing lazily with the hair on the back of his head when they pulled apart. _

"_I love you, too," she whispered, her heart singing when his eyes flashed with relief and then filled with adoration. _

_She rolled over, allowing him to crawl up on the bed and wrap his arms around her. She rest her head against the crook of his shoulder, allowing the warmth of his body to engulf her until she fell asleep smiling, because his arms felt like coming home. _

…

_She was a horrible person. Ross was the sweetest, kindest, most compassionate human being on the plant and he was better off without her. And she needed to convince him of that, even though she knew it would be a struggle. _

_And he did deserve better. He deserved someone who would love him unconditionally, who would support him through anything, would be ready to face any obstacle with him. Up until a month ago, she had entirely believed she could be that girl. _

_But then he started talking about the future and all of the plans they were going to make and although she smiled and nodded in agreement, on the inside she was screaming in panic. She had her own plans. She wanted to release another record and go on a world tour; both dreams she knew he fully supported. _

_However, if she were to fulfill those dreams, it would be her first time doing anything on her own and she wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to be tied down while she did it. _

_In the back of her mind, she knew the freedom excuse was a cop out. The truth was that she was scared, terrified of allowing herself to fall for him completely. Their relationship was so perfect at the moment and her biggest fear was that somehow, something would ruin that perfection. That the boy she fell in love with would forever be tainted in her memory. _

_Sighing, she twisted the silver ring on her finger out of nervous habit. He had given it to her for their six month anniversary. It was supposed to be a promise; that they would be together forever. But they were so young; what did they know about that kind of love?_

_Warm lips on her cheek brought her back to reality and she smiled softly as she turned her head to receive a greeting kiss on the lips, deepening the pressure to make it last longer than normal so she could memorize his taste. _

_His eyes twinkled as they pulled apart and he leaned forward on the boardwalk railing. "Hey, gorgeous."_

_She blushed on natural instinct, despite the fact that it was abnormally warm for a December night, but mentally scolded herself for her inability to impervious to his endearments. _

"_Ross, we need to talk."_

"_That sounds ominous," he joked. _

_She softened her gaze, blinking back tears as she willed him to understand that she was serious. _

"_Ross," she sighed. _

_The tone of her voice immediately alerted him that something was wrong and he furrowed his brow in concern, lacing his fingers with hers. "What is it?"_

"_I think," she paused, taking a moment to build up her courage, "I think we should take a break."_

"_What are you talking about, Laura? Did I do something wrong?"_

_The furrow in his brow deepened and his eyes looked sad as she struggled to find the best explanation. The fact that he thought it was his fault just made it all the more difficult, because throughout the course of their relationship, he had been perfect. But the 'it's not you, it's me,' excuse seemed so cliché. _

"_No, of course not," she assured him, squeezing his fingers, "It's just that we're about to embark on a pretty amazing journey. We're both going on tour and we're going to be apart so much that it might just be better if we take some time off. You know, so we're not both stressed out with trying to keep our relationship going while we're also working full time on opposite sides of the country."_

_He studied her for a moment and she prayed he bought her excuse, but he shook his head and spat out, "That's bullshit. If you want to break up, just say so."_

_She winced at his use of a curse word because she knew it meant he was genuinely upset; he didn't use them around her normally because he understood that she thought they were rude. _

_It seemed there was no graceful way out of this situation, so she inhaled deeply and told him what he wanted to hear, or at least what she thought he wanted to hear. _

"_I want to break up."_

_The look of complete devastation on his face was heartbreaking and she felt her entire body ache, but she refrained from pulling him into an embrace, knowing that would only make it worse. _

"_Why?" he whispered, his voice cracking slightly as his eyes shined with tears. _

"_It's just time," she explained vaguely, because she didn't have a legitimate excuse and she knew telling him she was scared wouldn't work. "It's time for us to move on, Ross."_

_He stared at her for a moment, completely dumbfounded before he shook his head and let go of her hand. She felt instantly cold and longed for his touch, so she balled her hand into a fist at her side to resist the urge to reach out and squeeze his arm affectionately. _

_The ring dug into the palm of her hand and she blinked back tears as she slipped it off her finger and held it up to him. _

"_You probably want this back," she whispered. _

_He shook his head, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "No, you keep it. I bought it for you."_

_She nodded slowly in gratitude and slipped the ring into her purse. Stepping forward, she stood on her tip toes and kissed his cheek softly, despite the fact that he turned away. _

"_Goodbye, Ross," she spoke softly, when she took a step backwards. _

_He didn't acknowledge her farewell, so she turned on her heel and walked away. And just as a child leaving home for the first time might do, she sobbed as she left. _

…

The ding of the elevator reminded her of her mission and she took a deep, nervous breath as she stepped onto his floor, walking slowly down the hallway until she located the apartment number Calum had specified.

With one last encouraging nod to herself, she knocked confidently on the door, although her own emotions were all over the place.

It swung open almost immediately, and she stood frozen as she gazed upon him for the first time since _that_ night.

He looked amazing. Of course, she knew he would, but seeing him in person was so much better than the image she had cooked up in her mind.

His hair was longer and slightly darker than she remembered, but he still held himself with the same confidence and charisma.

"Hey," she spoke softly, unsure of how he would respond to her unannounced visit.

He blinked at her once. "What are you doing here?"

That was pretty much what she expected, so she continued with the spiel she had mentally prepared on the cab ride over.

"I'd heard you were in town and I just wanted to stop by and say hi," she smiled innocently.

She hadn't planned much after this point, seeing as she wasn't entirely sure how he would react. There was no doubt he would be upset, but she was pleasantly surprised when he opened the door a little wider and invited her in, though perhaps she shouldn't have been, because whether or not she had changed, he was still the same sweet, compassionate man she loved.

They sat facing each other on the couch a few minutes later, a cloud of awkwardness hanging in the air as she picked the lint off her jeans and he fidgeted with the bracelets on his wrist and they both racked their brains for an appropriate topic of conversation.

"How are your parents? Your brothers and sister?" she broke the silence once she could no longer stand it.

"They're good," he flashed a quick smile, "We've been busy, but it's good."

"Yeah," she smiled politely, "The tour looked amazing. I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks. I'm actually going home in a couple days. I have some time off shooting, so I figured I'd make the most of it," he explained, nodding to two black duffel bags by the door.

She nodded and continued to smile. "That's great."

He popped his lips before parting them and speaking before they were forced to sit through another awkward silence. "I heard that you sold out your tour, so congratulations."

"Thanks!" she nodded excitedly, lacing her fingers together in her lap, "I'm really excited."

Despite their best efforts, that cloud settled once more and she parted her lips to make a comment on how it was unusually warm for an October evening, but was cut off when he spoke her name.

Her eyes widened and she felt her skin tingle at the sound of his silky voice saying her name once more.

"Laura, what are you doing here?"

It was a simple question, so she gave him a simple answer.

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked, tilting his head to the side and staring at her intently.

She was positive he already knew the answer, but he deserved an explanation.

"Look," she sighed, "When I ended things between us, it wasn't because there was anything wrong with our relationship. But I was naïve and innocent and I didn't know anything about having a boyfriend and I was scared. You started talking about the future and all of the things we were going to do together and that terrified me."

"Why?" he asked quietly.

"Because it had the potential to be perfect."

He gazed at her quizzically so she took a deep breath before explaining further.

"What we had, Ross, what we had was miraculous. It was magical and incredible and wonderful in every way possible. And I didn't want to risk losing that kind of perfection, so I ended it before those memories could be tainted."

"Why did you assume they would be? Why couldn't it have stayed perfect?"

That was the question she'd been asking herself for the past ten months. As always, Ross was able to see right through her.

She shook her head, sighed and shrugged. "Maybe it could have been. All I know, is that whenever something good happened to me in the past year, you were always the first person I wanted to call. You were my best friend, Ross. You still are. I still…"

His eyes remained glued to hers and her heart rate spiked as her eyes widened and she spoke the words she'd been wanting to yell to the universe since they broke up.

"I still love you."

He sighed, his gaze softening as a slight smile kinked the corners of his lips. "I love you, too."

A soft sigh of relief escaped her lips and a smile stretched her lips, an expression of happiness which immediately faded when he shook his head and shot her a dejected stare.

"But that doesn't change anything. We still have the same problems we did in December."

"But we don't," she insisted, scooting towards him on the couch, "I promise we don't."

"You say that now," he sighed, "But how do I know you won't run away again once things get serious."

She didn't need to ponder this question. She'd known the answer since about three months after they broke up.

"Because I've seen what life is like without you," she smiled slowly, "And it doesn't come close to life with you."

His lips slowly stretched into that dazzling smiled she'd missed so much and she grinned immediately in response.

"Are you sure?" he leaned forward, taking his hands in her own.

Rather than reply, she leaned forward and kissed him, immediately melting into his body and loving that he tasted exactly how she remembered: the perfect combination of sweet and salty. He pressed multiple kisses to her lips before pulling away, laughing that beautiful laugh that caused her to feel as though she was flying.

"I missed you," he grinned.

"Me too," she replied, scooting forward to seamlessly nestle into his side, admiring the way they seemed to fit together so effortlessly.

"Do you want to come back to LA with me?" he asked, his tone somewhat cautious.

"I'd love to," she sighed contently, "It's been a while since I've seen my parents as well."

"Great," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before laying his cheek on her hair, "Let's go home."

She let her eyelids flutter closed and smiled softly as she sank into the warmth of his body and once again allowed herself to be engulfed by his love.

"I'm already home."


End file.
